A baby named Jie-Jie was born at a small local hospital in China's Anhui Province, armed with, well...three arms. All of them functional to some degree.
Clearly this is a sign of human evolution and the 144-hour Creationists* need to just shut the fuck up right now. This mutated baby will grow up being able to type out his blog and sip his Starbucks... simultaneously! How genetically developed is that?! It's like when the first giraffe had a long neck or the first elephant developed a trunk long enough to scratch its private regions.
In true egalitarian, communist fashion, doctors at a medical center in Shanghai are plotting how to take one of these arms away from the infant. In all seriousness, I say let him keep them all — he's not a freak, he's the future: an ergonomic infant.
Besides, the poor kid is missing one kidney, so shouldn't the extra arm be left intact to make up for his renal deficiencies? Won't someone think of the children?
If Jie-Jie could talk, I'm sure he'd be saying:
What the hell is wrong with you people? I've got an extra arm...think of how many things I'll be able to do that others can't, from sports to cheating at poker to clerical duties to intimate activities with my wife and/or girlfriend. Leave my arm the fuck alone! Oh, and why did you give me a name that sounds like I'm a fucking panda?! Were you high or something? I should take my third arm and go Cultural Revolution on your asses!Yes, I'm certain that's the way babies would talk if they could speak.
Doctors did in fact go and remove one of Jie-Jie's two left arms. He is in stable condition and doctors expect a full recovery. They removed the arm closes to his chest, the one which could have been used to hide contraband.
Thanks to Space Nakji's foray into discussion of gender re-assignment gone awry, someone linked to this post while searching for (and how could I make this up) ambiguous genitalia island. Just what this person was looking for, I have no idea. Dare I say I hope he/she found it?
*That's people who believe in a literal six-day creation. I myself am a hexa-eon creationist, which is pretty much the same as a theological evolutionist, and we kick ass. Sphere: Related Content